Ditto
by fandomjournal
Summary: When Phil is almost hit by a car, Dan starts to think about where he would be without Phil.


"PHIL!"

The grey Toyota whizzed past, spraying water droplets against Dan's shoes and the cuffs of his black jeans.

They stood, unmoving, on the curb of a London street, frozen as the red bricks were speckled in scattered raindrops. The evening sky was the colour of the car that had just sped by, creating the damp air that surrounded Dan.

The soft sound of the Toyota's tires against the wet road faded quickly, leaving Dan to register the loud pulsing of his heartbeat in his ears. Did the car honk at them? It must have.

Phil had his hands up like he was being arrested, his blue eyes stricken with sudden panic and surprise. Dan had stopped just behind him, but he was close enough to see Phil's face freeze in the terrified expression.

Luckily, the moment of fear and silence was broken swiftly by an obnoxious tune.

The phone in Phil's hand producing a victory cheer, overpowering the sound of cars and light rain, confirming a Pokemon catch.

The out-of-place, yet familiar sound shocked the two boys back to reality. Relief washed over Phil's face and he relaxed from his tense stance.

"Well, that was scary," Phil said, letting out a deep, slow breath. He brought his elbows back to a resting position at his waist, glancing at his phone. The fear on his face was repainted with a grin of disbelief. "I still caught it. Ha, ha, seriously. See, I caught the Psyduck."

Dan felt the black fabric he didn't know he was gripping so tightly tug away as Phil turned to show him the Pokemon.

The sensation of the blood returning to his hand greeted Dan as he released Phil's jacket, stretching his fingers. Dan was struck with realization when the image of a dancing, yellow Pokemon was pressed up to his nose, making him cross his eyes slightly.

"You almost got yourself killed over a fucking Psyduck?" Dan shrieked, as he only could when life presented him with something this unbelievable. "A fucking Psyduck, Phil?"

They were on a back street, so there was no one around to hear him swear, but he would have let the profanity fly either way.

"Why does this always happen to me?" Phil asked, sharing in Dan's false and comical frustration.

"You mean why don't you ever pay attention when you cross the freaking street? It's a street, Phil, and cars drive on it!" Dan playfully chastised.

"This street isn't really that busy, normally," Phil protested, the grin on his face growing wider as they joked away the nerves of his near-death plunder. "See? There aren't even any cars right now."

"Still, you almost died for a dumb Psyduck just now. Are you kidding me? If I hadn't grabbed you, that would have been the most pathetic death ever. The Psyduck isn't worth your stupid life, Phil. Also, thanks, Dan, for rescuing my unobservant butt."

"Okay, okay," Phil surrendered, his toothy grin as wide as ever. "Thanks, Dan. But, I still caught it! I'm really proud of myself."

The two finally crossed the street, their shoes splashing against the pavement. When they reached their flat it was growing dark, so Phil made himself a late night snack and Dan assumed his signature browsing position on the creased couch, mildly concerned that they had both immediately laughed off a near-death experience.

Opening Tumblr, he prepared to let his mind sink into the never-ending abyss of shitposts and aesthetic blogs but three minutes after scrolling he found the usual allure was absent. He listened to Phil prepare something in the kitchen, and he stared aimlessly at the laptop screen. After a while, Dan changed his laptop background, rearranged his icons, and cleared his browser history. When the thought of decorating his laptop with stickers, in similarity to Phil, briefly crossed his mind he knew he had better get off the couch. Besides, if he didn't move, he might enter into a depressive episode and with all the world being a general pit of despair, he would rather not go down that hole willingly.

He decided to help Phil make an omelette, or rather, finish the omelette, seeing as it was almost complete when he entered the kitchen.

"I'll make another if you want one," Phil offered, giving a considerate gesture toward the ample amount of ingredients littering the countertop. "I think we have enough."

"Nah," Dan declined, doing his best to ignore the unreasonable anxiety nibbling away at his gut. He bent over and laid his head on the only clear space on the countertop "I think I had better go to sleep. I can hear my bed singing me old love songs."

"Wow, going to sleep before three in the morning. What has become of you, Dan?" Phil teased, scooping the omelette onto a plate.

What time was it?

Dan made the effort to reach into his back pocket and remove his phone to check the time.

Eleven thirty-one.

God, that's pathetic.

He wanted to say something, but he wasn't sure what.

Something was bothering him, but he wasn't sure what.

The two were almost definitely related, but he had had a long day and tomorrow he could talk about it in therapy.

He slumped off to bed before Phil could pry into why he was so down.

Something told him his discomfort was about Phil, and he wasn't so stupid to deny that it was about Phil's near death experience. But, he wasn't sad, or angry. Hell, Dan made an entire video about his own near-death experiences, so Phil's shouldn't be freaking him out like this.

He flopped into bed and opened Tumblr again in a last-ditch effort to get engaged in something that could keep him occupied until he actually became tired.

That was when he saw it.

Himself, but himself in 2009 with long flat hair and baby cheeks.

He tried to scroll past, but in his haste to remove it from his sight, and thus the face of the earth, he clicked it by accident.

"Hi." It played.

"No, no, get out," Dan protested, tapping his phone repeatedly.

But after a few moments, his cringe self was replaced with his new and, hopefully, improved self introducing his latest video intro. Then Phil's black and white video appeared, followed by his new update.

Dan had seen things like this before, and he loved all fan-made videos as long as they didn't use his "hello internet" video of days long past, but this one had so many comments and notes that Dan took the time to glance a few.

 _#mysweetbabiesareallgrownup, #preciousbois_

Mmkay, that one wasn't out of the ordinary.

 **Rabbit_feet** : _Wow, Dan has really matured_.

He would have to disagree.

 **Jackolight'emup** : _Does Phil even realise the effect he had on Dan? Does Phil know how amazing(pun intended) he really is?_

Dan's insides shifted. He'd seen these types of posts before too, but after what happened, Dan sank a little.

What if Phil had died today?

Phil almost died today over a fucking Pokemon, and afterwards, he didn't even seem to care.

What if Phil doesn't care about what happens to him? What if when he is "clumsy," he is really just self destructive?

Dan would be lying if he said that the theory never crossed his mind. Phil is generally a ray of sunshine that leaves the cabinets open, but everyone has their demons.

Not to contemplate mortality, but if Phil has been hit, he would be gone and Dan wouldn't be in his bedroom at eleven thirty. He'd be in a hospital because they would keep his broken form alive for a few days before declaring him dead, and Dan wouldn't sleep for days. He'd sit on the kitchen floor, unable to get up, and unable to cry because it won't have even sunk in yet that the ray of sunshine that never closes the fucking cabinets isn't ever coming home to finish off his cereal.

If that was the case it would have been better if they had never met. Dan would have gone to university and either become a sad lawyer or something much more depressing and Phil would be alive.

Without Phil, what would he have done?

It had happened so fast and who's to say it wouldn't happen again.

They were on their way back from getting the new Starbucks coffees to celebrate the arrival of fall when they reached the spot where it happened.

Dan saw the grey Toyota accelerating through the damp alley road at unlawful speed so he stopped before the curb, about to check his phone for notifications, when Phil's black jacket brushed against his right arm and he stepped into the road, immersed in Pokemon catching.

The car didn't slow and Phil didn't stop or look up.

That one moment was horrible; the moment when Dan saw it before it happened and it was like slow motion.

Dan screamed at Phil before the impact.

After that...

Dan shook himself.

"Phil didn't die today," he said aloud, suddenly remembering something he had totally overlooked in all this mess of intrusive thoughts and brain navigating. How had he forgotten that one, incredibly important detail? "Phil is alive right now because I saved his freakin' life. I reached right out and grabbed the twit by the jacket and yanked him back just in time. I'm his fucking hero."

No, Dan wasn't sad or angry, he was just scared and shaken by what could have been a terrible tragedy, had he not been there.

He was scared that this was almost normal to Phil and scared that Phil would hurt himself, either through clumsiness or carelessness for his own well being.

Either way, there was only one thing to do.

"Hey, Phil," Dan yelled after opening his bedroom door slightly.

"Yeah," Phil's voice resonated over the faint sound of late night tv.

"You're amazing," Dan said, grinning when he heard a faint chuckle come from the other room.

"What for?"

"For dragging me into the internet."

"What?"

Dan quickly threw on the shirt he had removed for sleep and walked to the living room where Phil had paused the tv.

"Is this a prank, Dan?" Phil asked, thinning his eye dramatically to overly convey his suspicion.

"Nope, just wanted to let you know," Dan said, leaning against the wall.

"Why?" Phil asked, obviously still cautious.

"This isn't a prank. Do you see a camera?" Dan paused to make a tired face and let Phil relax. "I just wanted you to know we have come a long way, and we deserve to feel like we've made a difference, not just to the subscribers, but a difference to each other. And you started this whole thing, and that's amazing."

Phil grinned proudly. It wasn't every day that Dan gave such a sentiment.

"Yeah, yeah, we have," Phil agreed, nodding his head thoughtfully. "I'm proud of us."

Dan smiled and turned around to head back to his room before Phil called him back.

"Hey, Dan," He said, a little more serious. "Thanks for saving my life."

"Ditto," Dan said before walking back to his room, thinking of Pokemon once again.

Dan climbed into bed and turned off the light, his thoughts unmarred by the day's stress and anxiety, ready to sleep soundly. His curly hair hit the pillow and he closed his eyes, just to snap them open again and frantically reaching for his phone.

He'd almost forgotten to hit "like" and "reblog."


End file.
